OCT, NOV, DEC 2024 VOLUME 17 Issue 4
In the summer of 2013, I joined a Christian band, singing worship songs and songs with positive messages at different types of events and family style venues. Six months after I’d joined, the band leader had mentioned the idea of going into the casinos to try and reach people. We would jokingly say, “We are Christians disguised as a rock band.” Before I knew it, the band name was changed, and the family-style events and venues were distant memories. It suddenly became more about exposure and promoting ourselves. I found myself working tirelessly, practicing during the week and performing on Friday and Saturday nights for a couple hundred dollars. I also was working over 40 hours a week Monday through Saturday. I did not spend a lot of time with my family. I stopped going to church and lost interest in reading my Bible because I was tired all the time. And yet, I was still chasing the dream of fame and fortune.
In 2015, I left the band. However, I still spent the majority of my time pursuing a singing career. I’d spend hours locked in my bedroom to practice singing to keep my vocals strong. I wanted to be a powerhouse singer like Beyonce, Celine Dion, or Whitney Houston. I auditioned for every talent competition I could think of: American Idol, X Factor, and The Voice. Even if these auditions were in other states, that did not matter to me. The only thing that mattered was making it big, so I would find a way to get there.​
In 2016, I became friends with a woman who had connections to people in the film industry and a small few still in the music industry. She was attempting to help me “make it”, so for the next three years I devoted myself to making singing videos to post on YouTube for her to share with her connections. These people would give me feedback about each one I did. I was told what I needed to change, fix, or do better in order to “make it”. The day came that I was snapped out of my prodigal ways by one thing this woman said: “Honey, I am going to make sure you make it on your talent alone and not at the expense of your soul.”
After hearing those words, I was reminded of a conversation I had with the Lord years before all these things transpired in my life where I had asked Him, “Lord, why can’t I have what all the other famous singers have?” He answered by saying, “Daughter, you'd have to make Satan your master in order to get it and keep it.” I came to realize that was the very reason I stopped pursuing a singing career in the first place, but I went back to it.
When I realized I was doing absolutely nothing for the Kingdom of God, I repented. I confessed to the Lord how sorry I was for what I had done. I told Him how tired and empty I had become and that I didn’t want to live this way anymore. I apologized that I was not using the talents and gifts He had given me to bring praise, honor, and glory to His name.
By the end of 2019, I fully relinquished my life to Him, and He set me free link by link from the chains of bondage I had created myself.
